Life is Swell

Ten days ago, I came back from a weekend of watching roller derby to realize that I couldn’t see my Achilles tendon in the back of my ankles.  Instead, my ankle was a smooth plain of shiny skin from the back of my foot to my ankle bone.  Two days later, my ankle was the diameter of an orange and it really hurt to walk.  I poked my finger into the swelling, and my pinky sunk in about a quarter of an inch into the rubbery flesh.  My elbows hurt too much to even carry a grocery sack in the crook of my arm.

Since then, I’ve been trying to use NSAIDs to take care of the pain and swelling I’m experiencing, and with very limited success.  I had already been on ibuprofen for a couple of weeks before that, but for some reason it’s stopped working.  The fabulous Dr. H has therefore put me on Mobic to see how well it keeps down the inflammation.  I’m out of town for three weeks visiting family, however, so changing prescriptions and whatnot will be a pain if this doesn’t really work. 

On the whole, it’s slightly better than the ibuprofen.  The swelling had been a lot better for the last few days, but today my forearms are all achy and my ankles are puffed out like a marshmallow again.  It’s still not as bad as before I started the Mobic… but it’s not great, either.  I have to give this a couple more weeks to see how I do before I can pronounce judgment. 

But this whole swollen joints thing bothers me a lot, and I there’s a couple of reasons why it does so.  First of all, it’s the first hallmark, visible symptom of lupus I’ve had.   Sure, I’ve had the joint pain and numbness before, and I’ve had pericarditis, but it’s not like other people could actually see that.  My puffy ankles are pretty obvious if I wear sandals (so I haven’t been,)  and with everything else going on the ankles might be enough to clue them in.  Secondly, this just feels like it’s putting the final few nails in the lupus coffin and now I can’t escape.  After all, everybody likes to think that maybe, just maybe they’ll escape such a lousy diagnosis, right?   I’m really no different, and my puffy joints are a symptom that I can’t ignore and pretend that everything’s okay.   Stop stealing my denial, dammit. 

Secondly, it’s seriously cutting into my personal life.  Right now, my ankle is too stiff to do anything except slow walking, and it’s really hard not to walk with a limp. The worst part, however, is the body blahs that come with the joint aches.  It’s like I’m perpetually about to come down with the flu, but it never gets here.  I get tired really easily and, just like a kindergartner, I require an afternoon nap to remain functional.  I can ignore just the joint pain, and I can push through the IBS and sinus problems.  But I can’t just magically make myself perky, it’s hard to pretend to walk normal on a swollen ankle, and my mother is taking notice. 

So, for the moment, all I can say about Mobic is that it makes life pretty swell.  I just wish it was all swelling a lot less.