My Reconstructed Medical History, Part 1

Okay, so here's the best I can figure for most of my medical history,  starting in 2001 and ending in 2005.  As I look at this, I'm starting to realize a few things.  First of all, I really need to start this list before my marriage in June of 2001 because there's a slight chance that's when my symptoms really began.  Secondly...  in the last nine years, I don't think I've managed to go six months without getting sick. 

In short, that really sucks, and I find myself getting a little pissed at my health a little ex post facto.  So, without further ado, here's what my medical CV looks like, as best as I can reconstruct it, for the years 2001-2005: 

2001: 

Feb-April?:  I break out in a rash down my entire trunk and up my whole face in little red pinpricks.  It breaks out so fast and so suddenly that the ER guys give me an Epi-pen shot.  (I'm allergic to bees, so they were afraid I'd been stung and didn't know it.)   I spend the rest of the night feeling like  a superhero from the adrenaline rush and spend the rest of the night jumping off walls, climbing trees, and generally making a nuisance of myself.  That's when I realized why people take drugs, man. 

April:  Extremely bad respiratory infection.  I lose my voice for a couple of weeks. 

August:  The second-worst bladder infection I've ever had.   Random doctor in an ER in Nebraska blames it on Honeymoon Curse (even though I'd been married two and a half months already). 
              Start of IBS symptoms.
              Severe respiratory problems around Thanksgiving and when I return home for Christmas.

Actually, there's a funny story behind that.  I went to the ER to get checked out the day after Christmas, and when the doctor looked in my ear he said "Holy Shit!" at all the fluid buildup behind my eardrum. No wonder I thought everything sounded like I was in a fish tank... 

 2002:  (I think)

Get screened for gall bladder problems.  Inflamed bowel shows up on an ultrasound instead, so I start getting treatment for IBS.  A couple of ear infections, if I remember right. 

This might also be the year I start having actual allergies for the first time in my life.  If so, I got tested for allergies before being put on Claritin.  The test showed no specific allergies, but a clear histamine response to something.  The Claritin eventually stops working. 

2003:

So far, I can't remember anything severe or specific.  I think this might have been the year I had the sore in my cheek that got infected, along with a couple of ear infections.  Respiratory infections when I return home for Christmas.

I had a bad case of something that looked like ringworm on one forearm.  Eventually faded away with treatment.  

Random fits of dry heaves every thirty minutes for six hours or so.  This might be early indications of gall bladder problems, though. 

2004:

All hell breaks loose.  I max out the catastrophic cap on my insurance. 

• I had six cases of sinus infection between August of 03 and August of 04.  The last two fail to respond to treatment, and I'm sent first to an ENT specialist, who throws his hands up in the air and sends me to a neurologist.  The neurologist orders an MRI which turns up, surprise, sinusitis. ENT was fairly unconcerned.  The neurologist was extremely alarmed and sent me to a rheumatologist.
• Debilitatingly bad headaches that would knock me out for days.  The worst one felt like a migraine and lasted for two and a half weeks.  The only thing that made it stop was Imitrex. 
• Pericarditis in (I think) June.  I pass out in two successive belt tests at Karate, and an EKG and X-ray confirm an inflamed pericardium.  I get put on aspirin treatment for a month, and it subsides. 
• Numbness starts in my fingers, palm and backs of hands, making it hard to type on my MA thesis.  Elbows sore and hurt a lot.  My GP was incredulous because I had "confusion of symptoms"-- meaning that I had numbness that indicated problems in both the wrist and the elbow, and everybody knows it can't happen in both places, right?! 
• Excruciating pain in joints.  Every joint in my extremities hurts at some point, usually in pairs.  Most often, it hurt in my knees and elbows, but also in shoulders, back and hips.  I get a lecture on "proper sleep hygiene" from a GP who decides I have fibromyalgia, primarily because I'm a woman and (I think) he doesn't like me too much. 
• Bouts of canker sores make it hard to play my horn.  
• I get sent to a rheumatologist, who yawns, glares at me the whole time, and decides I'm a freaking hypocondriac.  He orders a muscle inflammation test, and it's negative.  Decides I don't need followup, and I seriously consider not paying my bill because he's such a jerk. 
• In December, I notice that my vision is really blurry when I drive home from my finals.  I decide it must be eye strain, and I sleep it off.  Meaning, copious napping, for weeks.  All I want to do is sleep.

2005:  

More numb hands in the spring, more throwing up, more severe allergy problems.  Most of my other symptoms get better after I've been on Elavil to help me sleep for a few months.  Joint pain gets pretty darn manageable, if I remember correctly.

My GP decides to treat me like I have fibromyalgia, but at some point during all of this I have my very first auto-immune check, a sed rate/ANA run, as well as an HIV test and a rheumatoid arthritis test.  All negative, and my urine/liver functions are clear.

I think this is the first year the bruises start showing up.  The first one is on the back of my shoulder blade and looks, well, bizarre, like a little barred spiral galaxy with two tongues, the color of a hickey.  Then a couple others on my jawline and neck, and then a HUGE spidery looking thing that took up most of my left shoulder.  My GP pokes at it, nonplussed, and wonders if it's from all the ibuprofen I've been on for my joint pain.